2005/11/09 | Divorce hurts children of all ages
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Divorce Hurts Children Of All Ages
By Michele Weiner-Davis


Divorce Hurts

There is no optimum time to divorce when children are involved. People once comforted themselves by thinking only young children get hurt when parents split. Now we know better. We have learned that, regardless of children's ages at the time their parents divorce, children lose a great deal. I recently heard a story, which vividly illustrates this point from a man I sat next to on a plane.

The man was in his late sixties and said he had been married for twenty-four years. "One day, my wife announced she needed to find herself and filed for divorce," he said. He went on to tell me, "My youngest son was thirteen at the time and was the only child of three still living at home. I must admit that although I was devastated by the divorce my career blossomed afterward. Although always financially comfortable, I had never been quite as successful professionally during my marriage as I was after my divorce.

"My wife also benefited from our divorce. She went to school and received two degrees and developed her own career. I am convinced she has made more of her life than would have been possible had she remained my wife. Still," he added, "the real losers in divorce are the children." He then told me about an incident involving his thirteen-year-old son in the period leading up to the divorce.

"I have had a lifelong habit of changing my clothes each night after work and placing the coins emptied from my pants pockets on my dresser. After several weeks, I noticed I was missing money. By the time I became aware of it, about eighty or ninety dollars had been taken. I confronted my son about the missing money and he admitted to taking it.

"Hurt, disappointed and puzzled, I asked him why he took the money. He lowered his head and replied, 'When you and Mom divorce, I will have to live with Mom and since she doesn't have a lot of money, we will need the money for food.'" These words were like daggers to his heart. Finishing his story he reiterated, "Children are the real losers in divorce," and quickly averted his eyes for fear I would see his tears.


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